In a bad week for public
relations it’s reported that the Nepalese businessman Balram Chanrai has been
forced into hiding after a series of highly damaging revelations entered the
public domain. Twitter’s information Security Director Bob Lord was today forced
into an apology after it emerged the controversial ex-Portsmouth Football Club
owner may have been behind an attack which saw 250,000 users’ passwords stolen,
as well as usernames, emails and other data. As yet unconfirmed reports suggest
that Chanrai was trying to gain access to the account of club fan Mike Hall.
Chanrai was sadly unavailable for comment.
On a day of unprecedented bad
publicity we take a closer look at some of the stories making today’s headlines
from around the world.
Oprah Winfrey earlier today admitted
that in scenes cut from her two part interview with disgraced cyclist Lance
Armstrong that he had confided in her that it was Balram Chanrai and not
controversial trainer Michele Ferrari that had convinced the seven times Tour
De France winner that doping was the answer to secure his now stripped titles. Chanrai was again sadly unavailable for
comment.
West Bromwich Albion player Peter
Odemwingie has given an exclusive interview to tomorrows Sunday Times in which
he says he feels badly let down by his new advisor Balram Chanrai. Embarrassing
scenes saw him locked out of Queens Park Rangers’ Loftus Road Ground on
transfer deadline day as he tried to secure a move away from the Midlands Club.
Chanrai was unavailable for comment.
South Korean songwriter, singer
and rapper Psy has given an emotional interview to American blogger and
television personality Perez Hilton admitting that he hadn’t sung on the
worldwide smash hit Gangham Style. The vocals were recorded by a little known
Nepalese born businessman by the name of Balram Chanrai. Sadly for Hilton fans
Chanrai was unavailable for comment.
Former HMV Chiefs have blamed the
collapse of their high street chain on the digital download success of last year’s
biggest hit Gangham Style. Chiefs said there was no way of competing with the
competition and success that companies like Apple’s iTunes had gained from the
total numbers of sales from downloads compared to hard copy sales. “People don’t
want to admit that they’re actually buying a record that is so bad. Today’s
consumers can download these tracks in seconds without anyone seeing them
buying it and claim to their friends and family that they weren’t one of the
millions who brought the track or watched the video on YouTube.” HMV’s problems
were confounded after South Korean singer / songwriter Psy admitted that it was
a little known Nepalese born businessman by the name of Balram Chanrai who had
actually sung on the track. Ex HMV CEO Trevor Moore was said to have banged his
head against the wall of his country home for a full 12 minutes before finally
collapsing. We have been unable to reach Mr Chanrai for a comment at this time.
Sebastien Coe, Chairman of the
British Olympic Association announced the end of their investigation into the
ticketing fiasco that gripped the early days of last summer’s London 2012 Olympic
Games. Findings have concluded that the empty seats witnessed at many events
were down to allocations given to a range of companies all owned by Hong Kong
businessman Balram Chanrai. Coe has passed on the details of the findings to
Brazils Olympic Committee ahead of the 2016 Games. Chanrai was unavailable for
comment on the matter.
Following
the highly damaging story about horse meat being discovered in burgers being
sold within their supermarkets, Tim Smith, Tesco's Group Technical Director has
told reporters “We now understand - with as much certainty as possible – what
happened. The evidence tells us that our frozen burger supplier, Silvercrest,
used meat in our products that did not come from the list of approved suppliers
we gave them.” An investigation by the Ministry of Agriculture in Ireland has
found that the source of the horse meat was a supplier in Poland. Those investigations
have suggested the company is owned by the ex-Portsmouth FC owner Balram
Chanrai. The Hong Kong based businessman has so far been unavailable for comment.
*The contents of this post are of course completely fabricated and should not be taken in the slightest bit seriously
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